Holding It Lightly: How to Support Your Child Through Exam Season
- 15 April 2026
Before we talk about what your child should be doing, it’s worth pausing to think about what you’re carrying into this season — and how that shapes the support you offer.
A PLACE TO BEGIN
What do exams mean to you?
It’s easy to focus entirely on what our children are going through during exam season. But before we can truly support them, it’s worth sitting with a quieter question: what does this time bring up for us?
Our own exam experiences – however long ago – have a way of shaping how we respond. Perhaps you found them manageable; perhaps they were a source of real anxiety. Maybe there are things you wish you’d done differently, or results that still linger in your memory. None of this is unusual. But when we haven’t reflected on our own histories, we can inadvertently project our feelings onto our children, adding
pressure without meaning to, or assuming they feel the way we once did.
A moment to reflect
What does success mean to you? And is that the same as what it means for your child? What do you most want for them, not just in exams, but in how they feel about themselves? And what will they thank you for, looking back?
There are no right answers here. But approaching the exam period from a place of genuine curiosity — rather than anxiety or expectation — creates something important: space for honest, calm, connected conversation.
CONVERSATIONS THAT LAND
Timing and tone matter more than you think
The adolescent brain is still developing — particularly the prefrontal cortex, the part responsible for reasoning, long-term thinking, and emotional regulation. This means that conversations about revision, results, or worries about the future are far more likely to land well when they happen at a calm, protected moment, rather than in the middle of a stress spiral.
If your child is overwhelmed or dysregulated — whether they’re showing it outwardly or shutting down — their capacity to hear you, process information, or problem-solve is genuinely limited. That’s not defiance; it’s neuroscience.
Find a rational, protected time for important discussions. When the nervous system is calm, the conversation is possible.
Validation comes before advice. Before offering solutions or reassurance, try to name what you observe: ‘It looks like this is feeling really heavy right now.’ Being felt understood often does more than being given a strategy — and it makes young people far more likely to actually hear what comes next.
WHAT YOUR CHILD ACTUALLY NEEDS
The basics are not a backup plan
Sleep, movement, and real rest are not soft suggestions — they’re central to how memory, concentration, and emotional regulation work. Sleep in particular is when the brain consolidates learning. Revision that isn’t followed by sleep is revision that sticks less. Helping your child protect their sleep during this period is one of the most concrete things you can do.
Time away from screens — especially before bed — supports both sleep quality and the kind of slow, reflective processing that deep learning requires. Green space and gentle exercise are also genuinely beneficial, not just as breaks, but as part of the cognitive science of learning.
None of this means policing your child’s habits. But noticing, with curiosity rather than criticism — ‘I’ve noticed you’ve been up quite late this week; how are you feeling about your sleep?’ — opens a door rather than closing one.
ON ANXIETY
Anxiety starts earlier than the exam room
Research published in 2022 found something important: exam anxiety doesn’t just affect performance on the day — it affects a student’s ability to acquire knowledge during the preparation period. In other words, worry gets in the way long before the paper is opened.
This means that the time to address anxiety is now, not on exam morning. If your child is showing signs of worry — difficulty sleeping, irritability, avoidance of revision, physical symptoms like headaches or stomachaches — these are worth taking seriously, not pushing through.
What can help
A clear, realistic revision plan reduces uncertainty — and it is uncertainty, more than difficulty, that tends to fuel anxiety. A glitter jar, breathing exercises, or a short walk before sitting down to work can all help regulate the nervous system enough to make study possible. Helping your child find what works for them — and modelling your own regulation — matters enormously.
WHEN IT DOESN’T GO TO PLAN
What if the results aren’t what they hoped?
This is perhaps the most important section of all.
Research on adolescents found that being encouraged to picture themselves far into the future — somewhere well beyond results day — helped them manage stressful situations more effectively. When we’re in the middle of something difficult, it can feel all-consuming. But from a distance of a few years, most exam results are a small thread in a much larger story.
Remember: you can always have another go. One’s success in life is rarely a straightforward trajectory.
Dr Victoria Lewis, The Psychologist
As a parent, one of the most powerful things you can offer is a sense of perspective — not in a dismissive way (‘it’s just an exam’), but in a genuinely held, warm way: ‘Whatever happens, I am proud of you, and I know you have so much ahead of you.’
Self-forgiveness is also worth naming. Research has found that students who were able to forgive themselves for having procrastinated or underperformed went on to work harder for future exams. Shame and self-criticism tend to keep us stuck. Self-compassion — modelled by you — moves things forward.
Exams are part of adolescence, but they are not a verdict. Our job — as parents, as the adults who love these young people — is to help them move through this period feeling known, supported, and capable. That starts with how we hold it ourselves.
Hannah Abrahams
Educational and Child Psychologist
Further reading
